This Mother and Daughter

When I was a teenager I never thought about mother/daughter relationships and how complex they are. Now that I am a mother of a teenage daughter I am blown away with how complex this relationship is. It's unbelievable how loving someone can feel like such an emotional tug a war.

Devynne is smart and funny and strong and loving with dreams and goals and can frustrate me to tears. Not only can I be frustrated with her, I get frustrated with myself and how I react to her. There are times where I feel like I'm really doing a great job of being her mom and other times I feel like I'm terrible at it. There are times where I loosen the grip on the rope and let her be her own person and other times I feel I need to pull her back. I want her to do things the way I think she should and that's not right. She is her own person and has been given the gift of being able to make her own choices and mistakes. She also then gets to learn her own life lessons as I have and still do. She is an amazing person and has lots to learn and I need to let her learn for herself while still being in her corner with tons of support.

I also need to figure out the balance between when she wants and needs me and when she doesn't. There are times when I try to give my advice or ask questions and she doesn't want it whatsoever and I get "you're always lecturing me" or "you never let things go" or "stop being in my business" and then other times when I don't say anything she's upset that I'm not saying anything. Very complex, like I said. I sometimes feel like I don't say the right things or do the right things. It's kind of like we want the other one to be a certain way at a certain time and we don't always match up.

I also am now realizing more than ever that she values other people's opinions and thoughts more than mine (maybe not more but as much... or maybe more). She doesn't need or want me around as much anymore either. I need to be ok with that. My struggle will be not letting myself be hurt by it. She will value the opinion of others throughout her life and she will love many people throughout her life and she will need different people at different times and that is a good thing. It doesn't mean that she will value or love me less. I will always be her mother and I will always love her through good and bad and I know she knows that. For the most part we have a great relationship and I'm hopeful that we will continue to have one. She is my only daughter and she is very special to me. A wise sister once told me that you keep your children by letting them go, I'm now realizing it is time to start doing that and it's not easy for me. I know the kind of mother I want to be and I definitely have work to do. I just hope she's patient with me. :)